Clueless by the second

My fears are comfirmed , I`ve been
cracking and now I`m broken, This is
where everything I did is wasted, gone
like crushed crumbs of what was a
cracker. All the challenges, mentally
and physically, has been done for
nothing. Irony too didn`t prove too
late to prevail.

I fell, I can get up, but I realised
that I`m in a deep dark hole, but the
entrance is high up above me. I`m still
finding a way, I really really miss her,
and her absence left a permanent mark on
me. Cuts can be cured, water can dry up,
but the thought can never be erased.

I`m trying my best not to think about
it, but the skin on my face feels so
tight, I broke down again today, I`m
still praying for it to stop, I`m
screaming silently for the pain to just
stop, I ask myself whether this effect
will really wear off, people tell me to
feel feelings that are impossible to
even dream of, sometimes there are glints
of hope, but they just dissappear like
that, so cruelly and mockingly.

Yes, stats are true, but this is how I
feel deep down inside, as deep as you
can imagine, this is the pain that I
constantly feel but you don`t, this is
the screaming infant, sometimes sulking
and then screaming his eyes out and
somehow by the way of nature, the only
was is to just...kill him off.


Yours Truly,

Shahrul Sufian