Friday, February 13, 2009


School has always been a stress release platform for me, but as it seems at this very moment, it`s hell. Blame it on hormones, or even lack of chicks, but nevertheless, school has been terrible for me. I`ve struggled to settle down on my new timetable and my new bunch of friends. It is so hard for me to understand what was missing from my..`life`. There`s always an empty hole gaping inside of me where knowledge just seem to bounce off my head. Many things seem to bore me. I have no system in educating and learning by myself. Others have their time tables set by their tuition teachers. So understand by yourself the toughness I have to face in setting a platform for me to run and learn at the same time.

On a happier note, I`ve learned a...shitload of things thus far. I`m even shocked to even learn of such `things` and `experiences`. I`ve learned to manage to divide my feelings, to throw sorrowful feelings to the back of my mind. So many ideas of mine has changed since the last year. So many opinions deterred from where they were a while ago. I`ve tried to listen and stay listening. I`ve also been working on ameliorations for my current position in life. I still have to find out what is the cause of my deficiency. Opinions can be thrown everywhere in front of me. Criticism and compliments. But I`ve realised that many of us just can`t seem to agree without a proper discussion or debate. People my age has their own so `dictionary`, their own definitions, their own opinions. Take for instance, without reading a single material, people can just fuck up either Palestine or Hamas. which is very shocking towards me, because I find accusing and assuming the worst things you can do in life. Some also take a penny and say its a dollar. Just by reading a single source, that represents the truth. THEIR truth. That annoys me, to the extent of having no interest at all to speak to people like that.

Teachers, in fact have also dumped a considerable effect on me this year. I`ve realised I can see what they were when they were young. How they were brought up, how they were taught, how much abuse they endured. How much they hate caring. In my 9 year stint as a student in school, very few, and I do mean very very few teachers have actually managed to impress and gained my respect. I`m not trying to sound expensive, but I always thought teachers are just people who want money, and plain uncommited government slaves. But amazingly, that perspective has changed. I`m proud to seep myself into their lifestyle. As I am a student, it`s none of my business to know, but when I look at a teacher, who educates me, I love to know what`s going through their mind, what`s happening outside the classroom. These are just my observations when I`m bored in class, actually. I definitely have many other better things to do.

Friends, society have been a good fat burden to think of. I`ve still not managed to figure out what makes them react to the fact they are studying in a school without income, without a challenge. How they can be so subservient and blind. I may be wrong, but when I ask and interview, I often get very disappointed and down. Computer games are still the best topic to talk about, girls with short pinafores are cool to ponder about. I`ve challenged many to fight me in a proper manner about things we`ve gone through, but many call me plain crazy and dumb.

My idea on learning though my books is basically to achieve a goal that you yourself set and when you get to it, go higher. Prove your worth and stuff. But when I see the people who LIVE on books, I can`t seem to understand what are they thinking about, what are they like outside school. Do their parents seem to care? I don`t know. I CAN`T know. Reading has not always been my hobby but using those words in those books interested me alot. but when I exchange these `words` with these type of people, they tend to speak to me in another language and curse me. I sometimes don`t understand why must their feelings be present in every conversation I try to strike up.

Obama has been my inspiration. Has always been as a matter of fact. I`ve been monitoring his progress so far and I`ve learned, fuck, its hard becoming the most powerful man on earth. Politics are not simple as they sound like. You can never do god things and be recognised and be president. There are so many things to think through. So many people to elect and promise. I`ve always been modest in my ideas about politics, and I`m trying very hard now, so please understand.

Music. Coldplay. what a fucking massive album they made. Viva La Vida. The effect that song has on me never can be forgotten. The war theme is so fucking awesome. The effect the violinists pulling through their strings and how Chris Martin stretched the lyrics and pull of as being a dead king admiring his old times. What a fucking way to turn me on baby.

I hope I won`t get too lazy on publishing the next one. Hope you`ll be patient. I would love to write something factual for once.

take care

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